Every year, millions of people; children, men and women, make neat tidy Christmas lists with the hope that this is the year they get exactly what they asked for. Yet on Christmas mornings, we’re saddled with crap we never asked for and quite frankly, we do not want!

So I thought about it long and hard, then realised we’ve been going about it all wrong! Instead of a Christmas list, how about a list of what we don’t want for Christmas??? I am Genius!

Aaaanyhoo! below’s a list of things I don’t want for Christmas carefully prepared from years of experience, current tidal waves and an effort to open each of my seven Chakras.

1. Perfumes, body lotions, washes, soaps, oils, etc. unless you know for a fact that I like it. I’m still struggling to finish my organic pear puree lotion

2. The $19.95 Color Institute Make-up kit with 120 colours of eye shadows, lipsticks and nail polish. I have no desire to join the circus yet

3. Self-help books or any of those Oprah/Dr. Phil touchy-feely crap. If you have problem with me, say it to my face!

4. Baby Phat, Juicy, Puma, etc velour suits or anything velour for that matter. I know it’s all the rage but why does it feel like wearing a towel?

5. Diamonds. anything made to look like diamonds, Yellow gold and anything made to look like yellow gold white gold and platinum is fine

6. Puppies, cats, fish, ferrets, and other living creatures meant to be pets unless, of course, it’s a cruel cruel joke

7. Omaha Steaks, LobsterGrams, ham or whatever other meat gift baskets there is, sorry! I just turned vegetarian!

8. A note or long speech explaining how you couldn’t get me anything for Christmas because times are tough really, it’s ok, you’re not required by law to give

9. Gifts that require some assembly, I really don’t want to spend the whole Christmas day trying to put my present together

10. Pickled olives I still have last year’s!

Tomorrow, I tell you what I want for Christmas!

~[m-w’s word of the day]~

PLAYING: It’s my life – No doubt

READING: The song reader – Lisa Tucker

WATCHING: In the line of fire

QUOTE: “If I could buy my reasoning I'd pay to lose”