Sometimes my own level of maturity and civility astounds me. Such graciousness I believe can only be achieved with age. A much loathed ex sent me a very cordial email a few days ago. I replied back in kind, even more so ever pleasant and I was for real! I meant every nice word. This is all surprising to me because of all my exes I hate(d) him the most, and trust me I do have some shitty exes.

Granted, this all happened eons ago but the break-up (putting it mildly) is like yesterday. He didn’t break my heart as much as betray me in the end by forcing me to choose. The bitterness bubbled over into a very ugly fiasco resulting in horrible and spiteful things coming to mind whenever I thought of him, for months I prayed he’d contract ebola and die a slow and painful death. In fact until that email I assumed I’d always hate him

The relationship itself was doomed from start; we were both too cynical to get anywhere. He was a on a power trip and I was on a saviour trip, when outside pressure became unbearable it was the cynicism that did us in; the betrayal therein was the fact that we got played by our own game. I came out more bitter and angrier than before and transferred my animosity on to him since he’d stripped away my faith in heroes.

When I got the email, I invoked anger but I’d lost it somewhere in those years, so it was almost like finding an old friend again. And this isn’t because I’m still in love with him and want to get back with him either, that’s mentally and geographically impossible. It’s called being grown-up about it. Our conversation this afternoon went a bit like this:

ex: hi

me: hey

ex: hey

me: err.. you already said that (dick head!)

ex: wow… I can’t believe it… it’s really you!

me: yes, it’s really me, believe it (so I can get over this awkwardness)

ex: I see you still got your wits about you

me: uh huh… so how have you been? (who’re you fucking now?)

ex: I’ve been good, really good. hey, I’m been clean for over 8 yrs now

me: oh wow congratulations! (I see my prayers went unheeded)that’s such great news

ex: So Canada eh? What have you been up to? Wow… I’m really talking to you

me: well, nothing much… pretty much the same old same old… (like I’m telling you anything!)

ex: I thought you’d end up in Australia, I was telling C about you, he doesn’t remember you

me: (oh yeah the demon offspring, I’d totally forgotten him) oh my… he must be a big guy now, how’s he? And your mom? And everyone? (are you married, do you have other kids, oh please tell me you’re miserable)

ex: C’s ok, he’s doing great…(insert high exaltations). Mom’s well, she’s still talks about you. She said you were the best thing that ever happened to me

me: oh really? (well duh, you’d have seen it too if your nose wasn’t buried deep in white powdery stuff)

ex: yeah and I’m the worst thing that ever happened to you…

me: (well, aren’t we overestimating our importance just a tad bit!) well, that’s not exactly true and I’ve like to say that I’m sorry for the way things turned out and I’m glad we’re talking again and you’re doing well.

ex: hey… that’s all in the past, I was telling C that now that we have a friend in Canada we’d be vacationing there often, if that’s fine with you

me sure… (yeah when pigs fly!) I’d love that it’ll be great. I can’t wait to see how much he’s grown, he’s such a darling… (evil evil child)

ex: hey elsa?

me: yeah?

ex: I missed you.. you know

me: yeah I missed you too. remember that last night I came to say goodbye that girl you had spread-eagled on your desk? whatever happened to her? what was her name? Renault?

ex: Clio… she moved to Ipswich what about her?

me: I bet she misses you too

ex: right… point taken I see you haven’t changed a bit

me: so stop the bullshit, what do you want?

ex: nothing… just to talk… sometimes… so are you seeing anyone?

me: no you first, who’re you fucking

ex: K… M’s sister from next door…

me: OMG! how could you? she’s a total ho and a bitch!

ex: I know.. mom and C hates her and she nags me to death

Yes! there’s a God after all! I’m such an adult!

~[m-w’s word of the day]~

PLAYING: Me against the music – Britney Spears f/Madonna

READING: The Nanny – Melissa Nathan

WATCHING: Friends

QUOTE: “It's you and me baby, we're the music”