My father half-heartedly named me after my maternal grandmother, Rosina Afua Appia. I’ve never gone by or been known by any of those names, it’s just known in my family that I was named after my grandmother, probably because she encouraged my mom to keep me.

My parents never had the traditional naming ceremony (required for every new born in our culture) for me. So technically, by customs of my ancestors I don’t have a name. However, on vacation at my grandmother’s when I was a baby, she convinced my mother to have me christened at her local Presbyterian church. This somehow explains my life long obsession with changing my name.

This one time I was really into ‘boy names’, like Sydney, Jordan, Sammy-Jo, etc. Then (quite recently actually) I tried to shorten my name to Elle, Els and E but it didn’t take, no matter how hard I tried. There was my D’Elsa phase, oh and my Apollonia phase, my mom sent me to sports camp one time where I convinced everyone I was Ramsella and had a twin called Ramsell. I wanted to be Lucinda-Lace because it’s closest to Lovelace, my friend. I worshipped her. Who knows, it could be my porn star name when I decide to go into porn.

And it’s not like I hate my name either, it’s just that sometimes I don’t feel like an Elsa. There’re two variants on why I was named so. One is, I was named for the powerful and moving story of Elsa, ‘the lioness of two worlds’ who was raised by humans and let go to live in the wild, as in the books/movies ‘born free’, ‘living free’ or ‘forever free’. I think my life’s supposed to be metaphoric, which would explain my eternal fight for freedom. Or my mom’s just a great admirer of Joy (and George) Adamson.

Then there’s a story that my sister asked to choose my name, Elsa, a German teacher was her favourite, good thing her favourite teacher wasn’t Luigi eh? This would again prove that my parents where so unbothered by my arrival that they couldn’t even muster the interest name me. I believe our names; its origin, meaning, why and how it came to be ours affects our lives someway. Yeah, I’m superstitious like that.

My father chose mostly names shrouded in religion, faith and theology. Meru named for Mount Meru (not the one in Tanzania) of Hindu and Tibetan mythology believed to be the axis of the universe, sitting at the centre of the Himalayas. Nada named for a system of the Hindu discipline of yoga, which uses sound/vibration as a vehicle for spiritual illumination (this was before yoga was cool). And Shirdi, for the village in India where Sri Sai Baba believed to be a god, descended on earth, lived and preached among other things the harmony of religions.

I asked him (my father) why he choose those names and he said so “you’re always with me” He’s always carried a picture of Krishna in the garden playing the flute for Nada, a rock to signify mount Meru, earth from Shirdi and water from Lake Naivasha where Joy and Elsa lived.

Only a lousy father would ‘carry’ his children in inert objects, that way he doesn’t have to actually care.

PLAYING: Breathe – Michelle Branch

READING: Hey, Nostradamus! – Douglas Coupland

WATCHING: Train 48

QUOTE: “Well it's all so overrated in not saying how you feel”