When it comes right down to it, I’m just a horrible person. Seriously, I even lie when it’s not necessary. In the course of one afternoon I’ve managed to become a vegetarian from Guyana. All of which I’m not! Mind you.

So I’m sitting there minding my own business, when this co-worker walks up to me and asks; “Have you had The Keg’s burgers before?”

I go, “no, are they good?”

Her face lights up in excitement “they’re the best… I swear you should try it”

“Oh really? Ok I will,” I said in half excitement.

“Maybe, we could go try it today during lunch” says trusty co-worker.

“Uhmmm… Oh wait, I can’t,” I said

“Oh?” She does a frowny

“Well… not that I can’t, it’s just that… uuhmmm… I’m vegetarian!” I go.

She looks at me strangely “you are? Since when? Well maybe you can have their salad or veggie burger. I just hate eating alone at restaurants”

I look at her apologetically and go “Sorry… I just don’t go to steakhouses, there’s just too much attention to meat that their non-meat products are not that good”

Now where did that come from? What’s wrong with me? Why couldn’t I tell the poor woman that I had no desire to eat burgers today?

Second lie, this guy comes in to fix my computer we’re talking and he asks me, “So where are you from?”

“Ghana” I say

“I knew it! I could detect a hint of Jamaican in there somewhere” he goes

“Huh? I’m actually…” I try saying but then…

“You should have been here for the Caribbean day parade, The Guyana team had the best float by far… the colours were just magnificent… beautiful people… great beaches… friend’s roommate from Guyana….” He goes on and on and on.

I just sit there smiling and nodding my head at him, the little voice in my head going “Idiot, tell him you’re not from Guyana”

“So where abouts in Guyana are you from” He asks

“Georgetown” I say without missing a beat.

I maybe an impulsive liar! But I sure do know my geography!

PLAYING: Work it – Missy Elliott

READING: Dog Handling – Clare Naylor

QUOTE: “Gimme all your numbers so I could phone ya. Your girl actin' stank then call me over